It's Hard Sometimes

Hello everyone, I just wanted to take this moment to just exhale a little bit. Criticize me if you want to but that's okay. At this very moment I am at Methodist Hospital in the dialysis center receiving treatment for dialysis. I was diagnosed with kidney disease or (ESRD) about eight and half years ago from complications of high blood pressure. Basically my high blood pressure caused my kidney disease or rather should I say that my lack of controlling my high blood pressure caused me to develop kidney disease. At that time I didn't have a clue that high blood pressure could cause kidney disease. I had heard about stroke and heart attacks from high blood pressure but not kidney disease. Initially when I first started blogging on this topic I thought about trying to complain about my situation and how it's hard sometimes even as a Christian man to stay motivated and positive. You see I have been dealing with a lot of health problems for a long time even after I had my transplant and thus here I am back on dialysis for a second time.

I must say that hearing that I would have to go back on dialysis was deeply depressing. I'm not sure how many of you know what dialysis is or not but just to sum it up you basically are hooked up to a machine that is cleansing your blood and taking off excess fluids in your body. You are hooked to this machine for about  three to four hours sometimes more depending on the individual, for three times a week. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to God that there is this technology that allows us the opportunity to live. Without dialysis people with End Stage renal disease would eventually die. The fluids in your body are like toxins if not removed through either natural means such as urination or dialysis. But at any rate I have accepted the fact that I have to go back on dialysis, seeing  as the alternative is death...lol. What a motivator. It just seems like when ever I try to get a head there's something that always comes up to keep you down. I am a father of four boys and a husband and it is quite difficult trying to live just off disability alone. It seems like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I keep thinking and wondering and praying when will it be my season of good fortune. And for all my critics and Christians out there who say just trust in the Lord...I've always trusted in the Lord and I will never stop doing that. But I'm also being real...We say we trust in the Lord all the time but we still have worry in our hearts. If that's not your testimony then good for you and praise God. But when you're in the thick of it and the manifestations are not happening right away, yes it's hard sometimes to stay motivated and positive.

I will admit that along the way I could have gotten off track because of discouragement. But that's the time you have to encourage yourself in the Lord.  People all I'm saying is take care yourselves. Get your check ups and make sure your blood pressure is under control.  Spend quality time with your loved ones and don't take your days for granted. Love on your children and enjoy them in their youth because I promise you the time is moving so fast and our children are growing up right  before our eyes. Soon they will be gone and starting their own lives and families. Our lives are precious and we only have one life to live. We should be mindful of how we live that life because our time here on this earth is short. I know this blog may sound conflicting and that's okay, because it paints a true picture of the emotional roller coaster ride that I deal with everyday.  It takes work to stay positive and try to live a life of purpose. I'm trying to find mind and possibly help someone else in the process. So pray for me as I will pray for you. I pray that the latter will be greater than my past. God bless you all...